either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
