Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
