I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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