she smelled like a LAN party
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
