Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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