i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
