Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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