I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
