I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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