his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
