I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You are a genius and a whore.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
