he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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