i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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