I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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