I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
