just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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