Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
