well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
