let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
