Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
