I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
