we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
