people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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