i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bring me that man meat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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