Already got asked if we're dating
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
