My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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