Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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