So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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