I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
