dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
