glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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