The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize