whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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