Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
