We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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