is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
