smell my finger.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
