I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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