If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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