Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
