i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
