He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
