My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
