walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
