final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
