remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
