Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
