I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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