just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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