can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
