Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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