can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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