And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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