i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
