I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
