Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
