So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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