We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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