Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
