Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
