I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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