btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
