shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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