about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
