So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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