She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
