hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
