the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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