sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
