I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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