So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
