So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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