On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
