Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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