pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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