Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
