i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My feet surprised me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
