it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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