it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
